


Time runs out for everyone

by TheHallowedLady



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hanzo and Jesse adopt some kids, Hurt/Comfort, I'm going to admit this took a lot out of me to write, Marriage Proposal, Multi, My nana's love story inspired this shitshow, Some Fluff, Wedding Planning, Work has been upgraded and parts changed slightly, nothing graphic at all just mentioned, proposal, trauma recover, underaged pregnancy, vague description of childbirth, vague reference to child slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 10:38:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14518653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHallowedLady/pseuds/TheHallowedLady
Summary: Look guys this isn't happy. It isn't and I'm sorry. It took a hell of a lot out of me to write and it was draining but I'm glad I did.It's sad and it's not well-written but it meant a lot to write it.Remember to tell the people you love that you love them. You never know when you'll run out of time.





	Time runs out for everyone

**Author's Note:**

> An explanation: My Nana has always had what I call the 'Tragic Love Story'. She met my granddad when she was nineteen and never loved anyone else. They wanted to get married in a place called Gretna Green, but back then you had to have lived there for a certain time before they'd wed you, so it got shoved to the back burner. But it was okay, my Nana changed her last name to match his, and they had two kids together. When my mother was fifteen years old, she fell pregnant. Yes, you read that right, fifteen. My nana and my granddad stood by her. My older sister was born the year later. 
> 
> My granddad suffered a heart attack the year before I was born, when my mother was seventeen. Whilst in hospital, he promised my nana that when he came out, they would do things right and have a proper wedding. He never came out. It tore my nana to pieces and put her through emotional hell and she never had a therapist or a support network, and the thing that got her out was knowing that she still had people: my mum, my uncle, my sister, me...relying on her being there. Today is her 70th Birthday. She overcame a lot to make it to where she is. 
> 
> If you've ever been in the situation of losing someone so suddenly, I feel for you, and hope you find the support you need and are able to come through it because no matter how dark it seems there is always something waiting on the other side.
> 
> This is not beta read. It gave me a headache to write. It's rushed in places and was hard to get through. But I did it. And I do not regret it.

 

“Hey, Sugarpie? You awake?”

“Hm? It’s…three in the morning. What is it Jesse? Another nightmare?”

Jesse only replied with a quiet chuckle, and Hanzo turned his head a little to look at the best thing that had ever happened to him. Jesse was smiling sweetly in the dark, moonlight from outside the window of their small apartment casting just enough glow for Hanzo to see his face; to see the shine of his eyes as he stared at him with so much love and adoration. He hoped Jesse could see the same gaze reflected back.

Jesse only leaned forward to nuzzle his beard against the nape of Hanzo’s neck, an action that already sent shivers down his spine Hanzo almost melted when he leaned forward and left light kisses over the back of his neck and shoulder, so light they brought goosebumps up in their wake.

“Nah. Nothing like that…just wonderin’…y’know Emily and Lena got their wedding day comin’ up soon?”

How could Hanzo forget when Lena spent every waking moment reminding everyone that it was six days, nine hours and however many minutes until she would be getting married. He hummed in agreement, waiting patiently for Jesse to continued, relaxing into the soft mattress and almost purring at the feel of those light kissed still dotting over his shoulders like he was mapping out a constellation. The soothing motions had almost lulled him back to sleep when Jesse spoke up again.

…what’s your thoughts on the whole idea? Y’know, of marriage?”

Well, that woke him back up fast. Hanzo froze where he was. He was certain at first he had misheard the words murmured so sweetly against his shoulder. He felt Jesse tense behind him, the arms wrapped around his waist stroking across the exposed skin of his stomach soothingly.

“I mean – ah shit, I didn’t mean to upset ya. ‘M sorry, fuck Han didn’t mean to-” Hanzo rolled over in his arms before he could finish that sentence. He stared his partner down until Jesse couldn’t help but look away from the cold expression.

“Jesse McCree.” Hanzo began. Then let his face light up in the sweetest smile he could ever remember spreading across his face. “If this is a proposal, you had better hurry up and ask so I can say yes.” Jesse’s face went slack from shock, blinking dumbly a few times.

“Wait. You – you mean it?!” it was like watching a puppy being teased by a treat dangling in front of it. Jesse was so hopeful and Hanzo felt his heart might burst for joy. How could he give any other answer?”

“Of course, my love. Now sleep, and we can discuss this further in the morning. I am fully expecting a ring, Cowboy.” Hanzo leaned forward to kiss his lover – his _fiancé_ – but soon let out a yell as Jesse rolled them to pin Hanzo underneath his weight, leaving the archer laughing as Jesse buried his face in his shoulder. The laugher soon devolved into breathy gasps as his shoulder and throat were bitten and kissed repeatedly by a smiling mouth.

“Oh Honey, there ain’t no way I’m sleeping after you just went and made me the happiest man on this green Earth.”

“You are incorrigible!”

“But I’m yours. You promised it now!” Hanzo gave a breathy laugh as he felt Jesse’s hands curl into his own, pressing their laced fingers together by his head as Jesse stared down at him with the softest, most beautiful expression Hanzo had ever seen him hold. Right before he let his eyes fall closed as smiling lips pressed against his own in the best kiss the archer thought they’d ever had.  Jesse’s hands were squeezing his own as he rested his weight against Hanzo, pulling them so close together he wondered if he could feel Jesse’s heartbeat thumping in time to his own.

He never wanted to stop hearing it. Not for as long as he lived.

 

\----

 

They hardly slept the rest of the night, but when they finally did and were awoken the next morning by an alarm set at far too ungodly an hour to be necessary, Jesse immediately wrapped Hanzo in his arms again.

“We must get up Jesse” Hanzo chuckled, making no move to shift from underneath his octopus of a lover. It only made those two warm arms around his waist tighten their grip as his beard scratched over Hanzo's collarbone when he nuzzled closer.

“Did’ja really mean it last night, Sugar? You gonna make an honest man outta this old Cowboy?” Hanzo sighed with a smile, reaching up his hands and running them through Jesse’s hair comfortingly. “Did you fear it was a dream, Cowboy?” he asked, cupping the back of Jesse’s head and pulling him up into a lazy morning kiss that soon had Jesse grinning again.

“If you need reminding then yes, I Shimada Hanzo, agree to take you, Jesse McCree, as my husband and my love, until the day we both shall die.”

Jesse’s watery smile was worth every mistake, every regret, every decision, to be here in this moment with someone who truly loved him. And Hanzo would get to see it forever.

“We’re gonna need to start planning soon.”

“It would be unfair to Lena to announce our engagement so close to their own wedding.”

“True…but damn if I don’t wanna be married as soon as possible” Jesse rested his head against Hanzo’s chest, enjoying the gentle petting hands still combing through his hair as Hanzo just couldn’t stop smiling down at the ridiculous man using him as a pillow. When he heard Jesse sigh against his pec, Hanzo tugged slightly to get his attention.

“There is a registry office in the town. We could have it done in an afternoon. To make it official, at least.” Jesse pouted and turned his face up to Hanzo.

“You deserve better than an hour in the registry office, Pumpkin. Flowers, fancy suits, catering, the whole lot!” the idea made Hanzo laugh again, looking at Jesse’s happy face and leaning down to plant a kiss on his forehead.

“We can have a proper ceremony later. This way it will be official until we have more time.” Jesse grumbled good-naturedly, burying himself further into Hanzo’s chest with a huff. “I would be able to truly call you my husband then.” Hanzo reminded him, feeling Jesse’s cheek pull as he couldn’t help but smile into the skin of Hanzo’s belly.

“Yeah…yeah I like the sound of that. But I still say I’m doing right by you later!” Jesse remained adamant. Hanzo could only smile. This right here. This was what perfection must feel like. His brother forgiving him, and this beautiful man wanting to spend the rest of his life at his side.

“I would expect nothing less. Now come, we must get up before we waste all day in bed again.”

“Y’say that like it’s a bad thing Honeybun.”

 

\----

 

Two weeks. Two weeks until Hanzo would be able to officially declare Jesse his in name, body and in the eyes of the law. Two weeks of soft, exciting glances and holding each other close at night. Of pretending they weren’t crying at the sight of Lena and Emily tying the knot together. Of looking at the gold sticker on the calendar every morning and feeling his heart race a little more.

One week and five days, and Winston threw the spanner in the works.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me Winston. Three months? A three-month mission? Now?!” Jesse groaned, tousling his hair with the flesh hand in a gesture Hanzo knew meant he was irritated. Hanzo understood the irritation. They’d have to cancel the appointment with the registrar. It was going to take months until they’d have the time again. Winston at least had the gall to look apologetic.

“I am sorry, Agents McCree, Shimada, but this is a very serious mission that will require the both of you. If our intel is correct then-” Jesse cut him off with a sigh, his shoulders deflating.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it big guy. Possible kid abductions. Gotta get it cleared out. I know.” Jesse’s expression was complex. Hanzo knew what it meant. As angry as he was about having to cancel their wedding, this mission was too important, too close to home for both of them, to simply ignore because of their own whims. He tightened his grip around Jesse’s metal hand where their fingers were laced together underneath the table and offered a subtle smile in support. It was only three months, they could wait.

 

\----

 

Three months turned into five, then five into seven, and the mission dragged on and on as they worked to dismantle the gangs who had been kidnapping others, and the slavery ring they unearthed as a result, piece by rotten piece. Every night they curled up in their safe house, Jesse would pull him close until Hanzo was sitting on his lap and give a low sigh.

“Sorry Sweet Pea. This ain’t exactly a honeymoon getaway, is it?” He sighed into Hanzo’s shoulder. The archer hummed and wrapped his own arms around the cowboy’s shoulders, resting his forehead against his love’s.

“Hush Jesse. We don’t need a piece of paper to promise ourselves to each other. Document or not, you are my husband as far as I care.” The expression Jesse gave him at that word made Hanzo melt.

“Damn do I love you.” Jesse whispered, rubbing his hands up and down Hanzo’s back. “Just wish we could really make it official.” McCree added with a sigh, moving and resting his head against Hanzo’s shoulder. “Wanna be able to introduce you as my husband. Kept dreaming about being able to show you off. Get a wedding band on you all proper like. Then this shit happens and now we’re stuck out here and…” Jesse trailed off again with another heavy sigh.

The mission was taking a toll on the both of them. Even though they’d made great work releasing and returning many of the kids and other victims to their homes, it just never seemed to end. Hanzo frowned, looking at how tired Jesse looked, how the bags under his eyes had grown. Neither of them had had perfect childhoods. This mission was probably getting to Jesse more than he’d let on. Hanzo shifted on his lap a little, thinking to himself for a moment. He’d wanted to wait until they were home, but…

“Perhaps I can improve your mood somewhat, my Love.” Hanzo said softly, watching Jesse’s eyes light up and a lascivious grin stretching across his face as those kind eyes dragged down Hanzo’s body where he say in Jesse’s lap. It made Hanzo laugh and he shook his head. “Not like that, you insatiable beast. I – I have a gift. For you. In my bag. The folder.” Hanzo stumbled over his words and cursed himself for it.

Jesse’s eyebrows raised and he shuffled Hanzo onto the other side of the couch to stand up, looking to Hanzo for a nod of permission before he started going through the pack in by the coffee table. Hanzo found himself fidgeting as he waited for Jesse to find it. Now that he thought about it, maybe this was so presumptive. A foolish idea. Jesse would likely laugh at him if he didn’t get angry for going behind his back. He began to feel nerves bubbling up again.This was a mistake. This was a terrible idea to do without consulting him first. He should-

“Oh _Hanzo._ ”

The sound of Jesse’s voice, thick with emotion and cracking slightly on his name, caught Hanzo’s attention. He’d found the folder then. Jesse stared at the paperwork inside with the reverence and awe people usually reserved for holy scriptures. Hanzo couldn’t help but fidget again, needing confirmation. His words were murmured softly, gentle enough to be missed altogether “Do…you approve?” he asked, and when Jesse’s eyes finally rose from the page, Hanzo leapt to his feet, rushing to brush away the beginnings of falling tears as they tracked down Jesse’s face.

“Hanzo, baby, sweetheart, darling, sugar, pumpkin, _Love of my Life--_ ” Hanzo was wrapped up into a hug so tight he could barely breathe, or maybe that was the excitement and adrenaline coursing through him. He could feel Jesse’s heart hammering away in his chest as it pressed to his own. “You – you really did this? This is real?” the cowboy asked, barely able to whisper the words past what Hanzo could only assume was the lump of emotion in his throat.

“I know we could not have the proper paperwork, but Winston agreed to file this for me, and I had planned to show you when we were home, but--” He was cut off by Jesse letting the folder and the paperwork fall to the floor, Jesse’s hand picking him up tightly and swinging him around like he would never let go. Hanzo yelled to be put down whilst secretly hoping Jesse never would.

Around them, the official documents for a legal change of surname remained scattered on the floor.

**_Hanzo Shimada-McCree_ **

****

\----

 

“Jesse!” Hanzo called out as they burst through another office. At first it had seemed like no one was in there, the place had been ransacked and abandoned like many of the spaces before, until Hanzo had detected the sound of sobbing, muffled and muted like someone was trying to stay silent. He lowered his bow, carefully scanning the room. There was a storage locker in the corner large enough for someone to hide in if they were small enough. Behind him, he could hear the clink of spurs as Jesse made his approach as obvious as possible, quickly catching on to what Hanzo was hearing.

They looked at each other, nodded once, and began to slowly approach the corner of the room the sobbing was coming from. There was a high-pitched noise, like someone had gone to scream and been suddenly silenced, and Jesse held out a hand for Hanzo to stop. He stepped back, letting Jesse handle it. He would guard the room. No one was going to get in here. Not past him.

The cowboy knocked on the locker and Hanzo heard him call out a soft ‘hello? Anyone there?’ The only response was another muffled whimper and some very soft shuffling, like someone was trying to hold another individual still. More than one? Hanzo stayed back and let Jesse continue to work. They had discovered very early on he had a way with the children and with earning trust that Hanzo could never hope to gain. He tried not to think about Jesse's past, or how many kids had been in deadlock that he had tried to protect in much the same way.

“Hey now, it’s alright. It’s all safe, we’re not gonna hurt ya. Got some water if you need it, bet you’re mighty thirsty if you’ve been crying so much.” Hanzo’s heart swelled at the words, watching Jesse kneeling in front of the storage locker and shaking his water bottle at whoever was inside. “Why don’t ya’ll come on out and we’ll see about getting you somewhere warm and safe, huh? It's just us, no one's gonna do anything you don't like.”

There was silence for a long moment, before the locker slowly, very slowly, creaked open. Hanzo’s heart almost broke at the sight of two children huddled there. The boy must have been perhaps fourteen or fifteen, defiance in his grey eyes and determinedly keeping the girl tucked behind him, maybe ten years old and huddled far back in the corner, away from McCree as her brother glared at the two of them defiantly. Hanzo couldn’t help but respect such strength in the face of adversity. Jesse smiled at the both of them, and slowly held out the water bottle.

“There we go now. Why don’t you two tell us your names, huh?” He asked quietly as the boy took the bottle and scurried backwards into the locker again. He gave it to the female child first, letting her drink her fill before taking any himself. There was enough similar in their appearance that Hanzo hazarded a guess that they were siblings. He continued to let Jesse coax the two out of the locker, keeping his attention on the door just in case any more unwanted guests arrive. He kept his bow low, not wanting to startle the two kids.

“So it’s Sam and Emma, huh? How long you two been hiding here?” He heard Jesse ask. The boy, Sam replied it had only been a few days. That he’d escaped and brought Emma with him to hide when the people who took them fled the building. That their captors wanted to take them somewhere, like the others. Jesse sighed roughly and Hanzo watched him reach out to gently ruffle the boy’s hair. “You did good, protecting yer Sister, Sam." Jesse praised. "It’s all safe now, no one’s gonna take either of you two anywhere on our watch. Now you two got anywhere we can take you. Parents? Family?”

The two children shook their heads. Oh no…Hanzo knew what was coming. Jesse turned to look at Hanzo pleadingly. Hanzo could only look back, feeling guilt start to weigh down his stomach.

“We cannot take them with us, Jesse. The others would not allow it.”

“We raised Fareeha on base, and we had her from birth.”

“It’s not the same and you know it, Jesse.”

“Han…please. We can’t just leave ‘em for the state. They’ll be separated.” Jesse finished, trying to quiet his words. If the way Sam and Emma clung to each other a little tighter, it didn’t work. Hanzo stared at them, two huge sets of watery eyes staring back.

“…alright. Only until we find a permanent home for them. Our lives do not afford us such luxuries after all.” Hanzo eventually caved. He tried to pretend watching Jesse carrying a child on one arm and another on his back didn’t make his heart sing.

 

\----

It wasn’t until they made it back to the safe house and updated Winston again that Jesse finally put the two children down to sleep a little. Not that it took much, one cozy blanket over the both of them and they were out like a light. before that, while Jesse worked on cooking, Hanzo finally had the chance to introduce himself and direct the two towards cleaning up.

While they were in the bathroom, Hanzo crept up behind McCree, wrapping his arms around the cowboy’s soft middle and resting his head against his back.

“This is a bad idea, Jesse. We cannot keep them.” He said quietly, hearing the rush of air as Jesse sighed, frowning down at the simple food he was cooking.

“I know, I know…just – we couldn’t leave them there. Not after they worked so hard to stay together…" He said, curling the cool metal of his prosthetic over the linked fingers Hanzo had rested on his stomach. "It was like I was lookin' at myself again. Back in Deadlock...well let's just say I weren't the youngest cow on the farm. There were a couple'a others, fifteen, fourteen...mostly used as bait traps and messengers but it don't stop 'em getting caught up in shit a kid shouldn't see." Hanzo tightened his grip, staying silent, letting Jesse come out of the wave of memories on his own. "I always felt the worst when I couldn't keep 'em safe." He sighed, before practically shaking off the memories and turning to give Hanzo the wide, sunshine smile he loved so much over his shoulder. 

"And I always kinda wanted to be a ‘pa, y’know? Used to dream about having a couple of kids of my own one day until shit went to hell in a handbasket.” Hanzo grimaced at the confession partnered with that smile. Great, now how was he supposed to deny Jesse anything? The hand Jesse had rested over his own squeezed at his fingers. “I know it can’t last, sugar. But let me keep ‘em around a little. Let me pretend with you? Always thought you’d be a great parent too.”

Hanzo snorted to hide the rising blush to his face at that startling realisation. “Well one of us needs to be the strict one and made sure they learn some discipline. Otherwise they'd be eating nothing but breakfast foods all day and be spoiled rotten - do not try to tell me otherwise Cowboy, I've seen how you treat Hana.” He muttered back, enjoying the way Jesse’s back moved with the sound of his laughter.

 

\-----

 

“I cannot believe Winston agreed to let us house them” Hanzo sighed, looking at the two children as they explored the apartment in Gibraltar. Jesse chuckled from next to him, unwrapping his Serape and draping it over a chair close by.

“C’mon Honey. A couple a’ kids, a house, you already got my last name. What’s wrong with a little family of our own?” Jesse teased…well, mostly teased. After their discussion the other night, the archer knew just how much this really did mean to him. Anyone with eyes could see the way they lit up as the two explored, Sam focusing more on exit routes, Emma on the house itself. Hanzo hummed in reply, leaning against Jesse’s shoulder with a sigh.

“I at least expected to be married first.” He joked right back. Jesse laughed and kissed his temple,

“Well I’ll get right on that then sugar, after we get these two rascals settled in.”

“Hm…” Hanzo hummed, deciding to move to the kitchen and start on dinner for four. Behind him in the living room, he heard Jesse sink into the sofa with a sigh, and a moment or two later, a new voice began speaking.

“Are you really a cowboy?” the boy, Sam, asked, sitting down on the sofa at a safe distance from Jesse.

“Well, as close as y’ can expect to find round here” Jesse responded. Hanzo chuckled at that.

“And…do you really work for Overwatch?” the boy asked in slight awe. Jesse grinned, Hanzo could hear it in his voice.

“Sure do. And we’re gonna make sure no body hurts you again.” Hanzo heard shuffling, and when he turned around, Jesse had Sam curled up tight in his lap. Hanzo had to strain to hear the next words,

“I remember seeing news stories about Overwatch. when I grow up, I wanna join. too. And help people just like you two helped us.”

Hanzo thought Jesse’s heart might burst with how much emotion was pouring out of his expression at that moment.

He pretended he didn’t feel the same. He just hoped that poor boy never had do the things they did.

 

Later that night, after both of them were asleep in their guest bed, Jesse buried his face into Hanzo’s shoulder with a groan,

“I’ve known them less than three days but if anything happened to them I’d die.” Jesse mumbled. “Emma called me ‘Papa’ earlier and I thought my heart was gonna burst. Dammit Han we’re adopting them both I don’t care what anyone says.”

Hanzo could only laugh, scratching Jesse’s scalp fondly and silently agreeing with him. It was going to okay.

 

\----

It took six months before they could get the adoption paperwork finalised, then Samuel McCree and Emma Shimada (they had given them the choice of whose names to take, since neither child knew what their own was) were finally able to officially be welcomed as part of the family. It didn't even take a week until Sam was begging Jesse to teach him how to shoot. Jesse...Jesse had more reserves about it.

"I don' like the idea of teaching him" Jesse groaned one night, his legs thrown over Hanzo's lap while Hanzo rubbed at his bad knee to ease some of the pain, cool, calloused fingers tracing over scars and massaging out the ache a little. "It don't feel right, teaching a fifteen year old how to shoot." He continued. Hanzo didn't even look up,

"You learned at the same age."

"Yeah, for a whole different reason. I don't want him to think that just because he knows how to shoot a gun, he should always be shooting. That ain't no way for a kid to be raised." Hanzo chuckled when Jesse gave a sudden groan as he hit a particularly sensitive spot, continuing gently as he responded.

"So do not teach him that. You say you were trained by Commander Reyes and Captain Amari?"

"Yeah...?"

"Teach him the way they taught you. That is the point of parents, isn't it? To pass on what you know? Show him how to use a weapon, but more importantly show him when it is best to lay it down." Hanzo smirked at the awestruck look on Jesse's face. It morphed into a look of sweet, sickening love that left Hanzo blushing. He found himself shifting awkwardly underneath the weight of his love's legs trapping him, looking back to the scarred knee he had been caring for just to escape such a look.

"Knew you liked 'em really, Sugar." Jesse whispered with a low chuckle.

"Shut up before you sleep on the couch tonight."

\------

 

Jesse couldn’t stop pacing around the room, practically tearing his hair out. Emma and Hanzo sat of the sofa, the former with her head down and shoulders tense, while Hanzo just rolled his eyes and waited for his love to calm down.

“What the hell do you mean you’re _pregnant?!”_ Jesse repeated for the tenth time. Emma sunk a little further into the sofa, while Hanzo reached out and clasped her shoulder comfortingly. “You’re sixteen! You’re nowhere near ready to be a – a - ”

“I know, Papa, _Y Lo siento, lo siento mucho_! But I made my decision, I'm keeping it!” Emma raised her head determinedly. Jesse kept muttering and pacing, unable to comprehend the information he’d been given. Hanzo sighed, standing up and halting Jesse mid-pace.

“My Love, please calm down. You’re giving me more grey hairs just watching you.” He tried to tease. He turned to Emma and gave her an encouraging smile, “Why don’t you go and call uncle Genji? I’m sure he’ll be thrilled at the news. Maybe invite Aunt Ana or Aunt Angela over and see if she can offer you advice.” Hanzo suggested, giving her an out that the teenager immediately took, practically fleeing the room.

Hanzo dragged Jesse to the couch, cupping his jaw with one hand and resting his forehead against Jesse’s own, waiting until the cowboy finally stopped staring into the middle distance and would look at him again.

“Fuck.” Well, not the most eloquent but a good start, Hanzo chuckled.

“She is young, Jesse. But she has made this decision herself, and we should support her through it.” Hanzo tried to say logically. The news had been a shock for him as well, but at least he had taken it better than this. Jesse groaned and leaned back to rub his eyes.

“She’s barely sixteen.”

“That is the legal age of consent in most parts of Europe.”

“It’s stupid is what it is.”

“She won’t want you getting angry at her, she doesn’t need anger at the moment.”

“I know, I know…just… damn Honey it feels like just yesterday she was my little princess. Followin’ us around base and looking at us like we were their world. Now Sam's talkin' about joining Overwatch all official and Emma’s gonna have a princess of her own and…”Hanzo waited patiently, until Jesse could get the words out. “I guess it just reminds me how fast the time’s gone. Those two kids have been hanging around for almost six years now – though I guess it ain’t bad since someone said Winston’d have them gone in a month.” Hanzo laughed at the reminder of his own words.

He reached out to tug on Jesse’s arm, until he collapsed to the side, pillowing his head on Hanzo’s thigh and shifting until he was comfortable. They fell into silence, the still after a storm until Jesse spoke up again.

“Reminded me of something else as well.” He muttered into Hanzo’s thigh. The archer hummed in acknowledgement, waiting for his love to continue.

“I still owe you a wedding, Pumpkin.” Jesse purred out, turning his head to look at Hanzo with another playful grin. Hanzo snorted and flicked his ear, getting a grumble for his effort as Jesse turned his head back again, eagerly shifting to let Hanzo have the best angle to scratch through his hair.

“Perhaps after Emma has her child. She is going to need us, Jesse.”

“I know…just doesn’t feel right, seeing her grow up this way.”

“You love kids, I’m sure you’ll love this one when they arrive.”

“…Hanzo. We’re gonna be goddamned grandparents.”

Twin groans echoed around the room at that realisation.

 

Hanzo dreamed that night. Dreamed of Jesse with a wedding band around his finger, the two of them slow dancing under the stars. Emma and Sam standing to one side, their friends in Overwatch surrounding them. None of it mattered because to him, they were the only two people in the room.

When he woke up, Hanzo promised himself he’d talk to Jesse as soon as Emma’s child was born. For now, their daughter needed them more. There would be time later to worry about weddings.

 

\--------

 

The heart monitor went haywire as Emma screamed through another contraction. Hanzo stayed by her side, speaking softly hurried words in Japanese and brushing back her sweat-slicked brown/blonde hair.

“Papa - I need Papa - He _promised!”_ Emma panted out, tightening her grip around Hanzo’s fist as she screamed again. Angela looked at Hanzo with a clear expression of ‘where is he?’ before turning back to Emma.

“Worry about yourself for now. He’ll get here. Just keep breathing.” Hanzo’s heart ached listening to the young girl he had come to call his daughter screaming in agony. ‘ _Dammit Jesse where are you?’_ He thought, staying as calm as he could on the outside.

As if it wasn't bad enough that the father of Emma's child had decided he was 'too young to be a parent' and 'wanted nothing to do with it'. The dragons had rolled like thunder under his skin when he'd heard that. If he ever found out his name, no mountain nor ocean nor cave on earth would shield him from Hanzo's wrath - and that was if Jesse didn't get there first. Not as he watched tears trailing down her face, her free hand grasping at air, bedsheets, railings, desperate for the missing link to get her through this. _Come on Jesse!’_

Angela sighed and looked up at Hanzo, “She’s dilated, we’ll need to start pushing.” Emma thrashed her head in defiance, murmuring ‘no, no, not yet, he promised’ as she kept gripping tightly to Hanzo’s hand. The archer was almost regretting agreeing to teach her how to shoot, the grip was almost bone crushing.

Damn whoever had decided McCree was necessary on a last-minute mission. Damn them to hell.

“Emma, it’s time.” Angela spoke firmly, with all the authority of a doctor who was not going to be told no. They were soon interrupted by the sound of fast footsteps, and the medical door being thrown open.

“He’s coming! He’s on his way!” Genji shouted into the room, right before his vents let loose a burst of steam and he collapsed to his knees, panting hard. Hanzo nodded his thanks and turned back to Emma.

“See? Papa’s coming, now listen to Angela, you can do this Emma. He’s coming. You have us.” Hanzo continued to speak to her, soothing her through each wave of pain. The three of them sighed in relief when the sound of spurs echoed through the corridor, growing louder and louder until the sounds of panting breaths and a huge, browned hand curls around Emma’s other hand.

“Sorry I’m late, Princess. ‘M here, I made it.” Jesse huffs out, sweating from running all the way from the drop zone to medical at a dead sprint. Emma even manages a chuckle as she looks at up at him with a grateful smile, letting go of Hanzo’s hand to turn to her papa and grip his hand with both of her own.

“Wh-what, did you stop for coffee or something?” she even managed to joke. Jesse laughed, leaning down to give her a kiss on the forehead. Hanzo wished he could capture this moment forever. Well, right before Emma screamed again, and Jesse shouted in shock as both of those strong hands gripped down on his own.

“I’d suggest the metal hand, my Love.”

“No shit!”

 

\---------

 

Their first grandchild is named Angeline. Jesse and Hanzo grin at Dr Zeigler when the woman blushed and tried unsuccessfully to suppress a soft giggle upon hearing the name. Jesse cried when he first held her. Hanzo cried when Emma tells him her full name is ‘Angeline Shimada-McCree.’

That night, when Jesse got up to do the nightly feeds, letting Emma rest, Hanzo awoke with him. They sat in the quiet peace of their living room with little Angel huddled in Jesse’s arms while Hanzo tried desperately not to fall asleep on his shoulder. It’s during one such moment of peace, when Hanzo was just barely awake, that Jesse gets his attention by talking.

“Did you ever imagine our lives’d turn out like this?” He asked quietly, his eyes still trained on the tiny, thankfully finally sleeping, bundle in his arms. “Kids, an apartment, Overwatch, all of it.”

“I do not think anyone could imagine their lives turning out like this.” Hanzo replied honestly to him, prompting a noise of agreement from Jesse as the archer sat up straighter. Jesse chuckled and untangled his arm carefully to pull Hanzo back to his side.

“Yeah…guess not.” Jesse replied, smiling down at the tiny bundle in his arms while his other hand scratched soothingly at Hanzo’s hair, giving a low chuckle when the action just left Hanzo a boneless puddle against him. “She’s so tiny…when does Sam come home from that recon mission? He needs to meet his niece. This little beauty is gonna be spoiled to high hell.” Jesse cooed at her, smiling so widely.

Hanzo hummed softly as he curled up next to the cowboy. “Would you change any of it, Jesse? Any of the past?” He asked curiously. When he didn’t get an immediate answer, he looked up at Jesse. He was lost in thought. Thinking quite hard at that. Hanzo sat up. “Jesse?”

“There is one thing, I think I’d change, Honeybunch.” Jesse was smiling standing up with little Angel in his arms and heading for their bedroom.

“Jesse?” Hanzo asked, keeping his voice down for fear of waking Angel again (despite her name that child was a demon when she started screaming). He stood and followed after only a moment, watching Jesse move around to the drawer on his side of the bed, rummaging around one handed. Hanzo had to admit that watching Jesse carrying the little one around like the most precious payload they’d ever been given was enough to make him want to kiss the man stupid. “Jesse what is it?”

“Hold up, just gotta…got it” Hanzo tilted his head to the side in confusion, eyebrows pulling together in confusion when Jesse turned back to him. That grin he loved so much was flashed his way again, wide enough to show off the little snaggletooth that Hanzo found so endearing.

There wasn’t a day that went past when he wasn’t reminded of how much he loved this man.

The cowboy handed him a small, nondescript black box. Hanzo frowned at him, taking it from his. “What…is this for?” He asked, confused. Jesse actually looked a little embarrassed, shuffling his feet from side to side as he rocked Angel.

“Well…I actually had this kept away for a while. Never knew when we’d finally get the time for a proper ceremony so I kinda always wanted to be prepared. But you already have my last name. And now we’ve got this little bug running around – guess I’d just like t’ see ya in it sooner or later.” Hanzo…was still confused. Well, until he opened the box anyway.

Two bands of metal were snugly resting in the velvet box, shining in the low light of the apartment. They were simple, nondescript and nowhere near as flashy as Hanzo would have expected of the cowboy.

As seemed to always be the case around Jesse, Hanzo found himself frozen. “These are…” he trailed off when McCree’s hand reached out and plucked one of the out of the box.

“Gonna need ta help me out a little, pumpkin” Jesse teased, waiting for Hanzo to raise his left hand. He was nice enough not to comment on how Hanzo shook as he slipped the warm metal onto Hanzo’s hand.

The archer couldn’t stop staring at it. The way it felt against his skin. The way it glinted in the light. The way it felt so visible and visceral, like that was where it belonged. Like it had been missing for so long. Like coming home after a long mission. Like coming home to Jesse.

“You an’ me, Darlin’, we don’t need any fancy ceremony or piece of paperwork to know we’re meant to be. All we need’s each other and a place to call home. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t find all that an’ more in you. I know it's been a hell of a hard walk, but I don't wanna change a damned thing if it meant I wouldn't get to stand here with you right now. I got an amazing family, the best friends, the most beautiful granddaughter and the most handsomest husband a guy could ever hope to catch. Paper or no paper, you’re it for me Darling.” Hanzo felt like he couldn’t breathe. Like Jesse had take all of his words and left him with nothing in his lungs.

Jesse was ready for him when Hanzo lunged forward to kiss him, hard and passionately, a press of lips and hands in his hair that Hanzo could only pray conveyed everything he wished he had the words to say. Kiss after kiss his reply to Jesse’s declaration. His agreement. _You too. You’re it. You’re mine. I love you. I love you. I love you…_

Both of their lips were bruised and both of them were left panting when Jesse finally pulled away, looking down at the little bundle in his arms with a breathless chuckle. When he looked back at Hanzo, it was like looking at the sun. So much warmth and love and desire. He wanted to bask in it.

“Let me get this little bug back to bed, _Husband._ ”

Hanzo shuddered at that word, spoken so low and sensual against his temple, and dragged him in for another kiss before he could even leave the room. Pulling him so tightly he could feel that same, strong heartbeat thumping away underneath his hand.

It was almost worth it when Angel woke up screaming again.

 

\-------------

 

It’s two years before everything goes to shit.

The day Emma came up to them, little Angeline toddling at her side and looking at everyone curiously, and hands the both of them a positive test, Hanzo thought Jesse was going to lose it again. It’s a pleasant surprise when the cowboy laughed and hugged Emma close instead.

“You proved me wrong the first time, _Ni_ _ñ_ _a Peque_ _ñ_ _a_. I’m ready this time, let’s do this all again.”

The young girl blinked a few times, looking from Jesse to Hanzo as if he herself couldn't believe this turn of events. 

"You...you're serious? You're not mad?" She asked, still in shock. Jesse could only laugh and shake his head,

"Princess, you ain't subtle. I suspected when you finally stopped drinkin' all a' my coffee last month. I mean it, you got us every step a' the way" He reassured her, and Hanzo could only not in agreement past the little lump in his throat that liked to appear every time Jesse did...well, anything.

Emma looked about ready to cry when she left with a sleeping Angel on her shoulder.

 

Just to further lift the good mood, Sam arrives later that day; informing them he’s now an official member of Overwatch, not just an apprentice sniper anymore, and Jesse immediately demands a shooting challenge. Something about ‘let’s see how good Ana thinks you really are’ that has Sam laughing and teasing back easily.

“You sure about that, _Pap_ _í_? Wouldn’t want to embarrass you in your old age!”

“Oh you’re getting it for that one!”

Hanzo laughs as the two disappear, leaving him in the room with his book. It’s a rare peace, when he has time alone, and he curls up in a patch of sunlight where the natural light can help him read more easily. He barely managed two pages before he was struck watching the way the light bounced off the wedding band around his finger.

He found himself twisting and turning his hand, enjoying it from different angles and sighing with joy. Jesse had been right. They didn’t need a ceremony or a piece of paper to prove they were husbands. That they were a family. He had everything he could have asked for right here. In a tiny apartment in Gibraltar, close to his brother and his friends, with two children who were growing up to be amazing individuals in their own rights.

His comm went off.

And everything went to hell.

 

\----------

 

“A heart attack?!”

Jesse looked embarrassed as he lay on the bed in the med bay. He was pale, but Hanzo took comfort in the fact that his heart beat was steady on the monitor. He found himself matching his breathing to that tangible proof that Jesse was still here. Still alive. The archer collapsed into the chair by Jesse’s bed, letting go of the breath it felt like he had been holding the entire journey up here.

“It ain’t that bad, Sugarplum. Angie says it was only a little one” Hanzo’s head shoots back up at that, glaring at his lover and fisting the blankets in anger.

“Little?! A heart attack is not ‘little’ Jesse! Do you know how much I panicked when…when Dr Zeigler said…” tears began to well up, his voice cracking as the adrenaline finally wore off now he could see Jesse was safe. He heard Jesse gasp and reach out for him, lacing their hands together so the matching bands sat side by side.

“Hey, hey now…c’mon Darlin’ look at me, breathe for me. I’m still here, I ain’t goin’ nowhere yet.” Jesse grinned at him, his hand not linked with Hanzo’s coming up to cup his face and wipe away the tears. “C’mere Baby. Let me see you smile? That’s a better medicine than anythin' even Angie can give” the ridiculous words did their job, making Hanzo snort out a laugh and nuzzle his face into Jesse’s hand.

“I was so afraid.” He whispered again, a weak and pained little thing. Jesse pulled him forward, resting their foreheads against each other, their breathing mingling together while the _beep, beep, beep_ of the machine echoed in the background.

“I know sweetheart, I know. But I’ll be back out and home tomorrow, promise ya.” Jesse said. The easy tone and soft words made Hanzo sigh and relax, letting Jesse pull him up onto the bed, holding him close and kissing his forehead, cheek, lips, neck, over and over. Their hands never once disconnected, light shining on the matching bands. His husband. His love.

“You’ll have to stop smoking. Angela will never let you continue after this.” Hanzo pointed out, grinning in response to the dramatic groan Jesse gave above him. They stayed that way, twined around each other, until Angela told him it was time to go. Even then, he was prepared to fight until Jesse squeezed his hand, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss their joined hands, eyes sparking with affection at him.

“Get outta here, _Mr Shimada-McCree,_ that doc is not a woman you wanna cross.” And if Hanzo wouldn’t just do anything to be called that forever. “Go sleep in one of the old rooms, and you’ll be right back with me in the morning.” Jesse sounded so sure, so confident. Hanzo…didn’t. He turned to Angela, giving her his best ‘you just kicked my dog and now I’m going to cry’ face. It almost always worked. She didn’t waver…until after about thirty seconds. She sighed and broke eyes contact.

“Now I know where Genji gets it from” she said, throwing her hands up in the air. “I’ll give you half an hour, but then you’re out, Agent Shimada.”

“Shimada-McCree, Dr Zeigler.”

She shook her head in fond exasperation and pulled the curtain around the bed to give them further privacy. Hanzo immediately curled back around Jesse like a dragon protecting its treasure. He rested his head on Jesse’s chest, tangling their legs together and gently taking comfort in the others presence. Hands, one warm and pliant, the other cool and solid, stroked over Hanzo’s spine, tracing every bone they could find while the other remained so perfectly connected to his own. Hanzo found himself tucking his head under Jesse’s chin, listening to that strong heartbeat thumping beneath Jesse’s skin in perfect harmony to his own.

“I think I’m done waiting around, Hanzo.” The words startle him, spoken so seriously and breaking the little bubble of calm intimacy that surrounded them both. He blinked a little bit of drowsiness from his eyes, moving back to look at Jesse properly.

“I don’t understand.”

Jesse sighed, raising their joined hands, showing off the wedding bands. “it’s been nearly nine years, sugar. Nearly nine years since I told ya I wanted to walk down that aisle and make the big promise with you. And there’s been setbacks and shit’s happened and yeah we got the kids outta it and everything, and I wouldn’t change it. Honest. But I’m done waiting around for the right moment 'cos unless we make it, there ain't ever gonna be one.” Hanzo felt his heartbeat thumping loudly in his chest, all the way to his ears. Was this really happening?  Right now?

“So, as soon as Angie gives me the all-clear tomorrow, we’re gonna do this shit and we’re gonna do it right. I mean it Sweet Pea. I’ve got it all planned out already, you don’t even have to worry about a thing.” Jesse grinned down at Hanzo. The archer just laughed, burying his blushing head against Jesse’s shoulder, letting the elation carry him higher and higher as he breathed in the scent of tobacco and desert heat from Jesse’s skin.

“Tell me.”

Jesse brought a hand up to run soothingly through his hair, holding him close and resting back to stare at the ceiling as he spoke. “Well…there’s this old church out in Santa Fe, it’s tucked away right on the outskirts, you gotta drive a half-hour outta the city to get there. Real picturesque little place. Ma always said she and my dad tied the knot there - I wanna take you there. We’ll have Sam as the ring bearer, and Genji will have t’be both our best mans because the little shit ain’t gonna accept anything less.” Hanzo found himself chuckling at that. Of course Genji would demand that - or possibly get himself ordained so he could marry the both of them personally. Now wasn't that a thought he would never be putting in his brother's head.

“--and then…we’ll get a load a’ those blue hydrangea flowers you think I don't know you love so much, an’ have them arranged everywhere, lining the aisle, in pots and in the bouquet. Little Angel’s walking now, she’ll be our own flower girl in a pretty dress that Ana will insist on sewing for her, and we’ll make a whole crown of them for you to wear because damn if that wouldn’t just be the best sight a guy could ever ask to see. You'll wear it down, and some of the petals will get caught there and you'll be trying t' hide how much you're smilin' as you walk down that aisle towards me, lookin' like a dream in a tailored suit...blue and expensive, of course, only the best for a dragon.” Jesse’s fingers toyed with Hanzo’s hair, smiling down at him as Hanzo rested his cheek against that strong heartbeat, listening to it speed up in the cowboy’s chest. “Emma’ll take the photos, and half of ‘em will be blurry because that girl thinks she’s tough but God knows she’ll cry if this pregnancy's anything like Angel's. So Fareeha’ll end up taking over for her halfway through, and then half of ‘em will be of everyone getting’ drunk and making bad decisions instead, and we'll laugh over them ten or twenty years from now looking back on the best day of our lives. And when the ceremony’s done … I’ll pick you up and carry you right the hell outta that church into the stars and the moonlight, and we’ll have our first dance there together - then I'll probably tread on your feet because hell if I don't have two left ones, and I'll spend too much time focusin' on just little old you, Sweet Pea, to even realise the time anymore.” Hanzo held on tighter as the words swirled into a vision in his mind. He hid his grin against Jesse's chest over the medical gown.

“What song would we dance to?”

“Whatever song you wanted. Don’t matter none to me as long as it’s with you.” Hanzo’s heart ached at the visual. He could see it. Every little detail. Jesse standing at the altar, and even in a suit he’d still have that cowboy hat on because no one was getting that off him for love nor money. Their friends and their own little family surrounding them. He moved up to leave little kisses over Jesse’s neck, the easiest part he could reach.

“You need to hurry up and get out of here cowboy. I want that dream to be our reality. I want to marry my husband at last.”

“It’s a promise.”

 

\--------

 

_Jesse…_

Hanzo shot awake after only a couple of hours sleep, the sinking feeling something was very, very wrong filling up his chest.  He looked left at first, over to the sofa where Sam and Emma were curled up on the pullout, then down at where Angel had come to curl up next to him. There were all safe and sound. Sleeping peacefully. But he couldn’t shake the feeling of _Wrong._ Even the dragons growled low in the back of his mind, shifting in agitation at the sensation. He got up, that cold, worried sensation spreading through his chest like ice.

_Jesse…_

He was glad he had agreed to use one of the old rooms, as medical was barely five minutes away. The green light immediately flickered red when he approached, startling him as the door locked him out.

 ** _“Perhaps it would be wise to return to your room, Agent Shimada.”_** Athena’s voice echoed. He felt his heartbeat echo in his chest like a pounding drum.

“What’s happening? What’s wrong?” Hanzo whispered, staring blankly at the door that separated him from his love. Surely it was nothing. Jesse had been fine only a few hours ago. They’d been talking about their wedding. _Jesse had been fine._

 ** _“…Agent Shimda. You should return to your room.”_** Hanzo continued to stand there, paralyzed with a sudden rush of fear and cold, cold understanding.

“Open the door.” Hanzo whispered, voice barely strong enough to even form the words. It was enough for Athena however, and after a moment’s pause, the light went green. The door opened.

Everything was a blur. Mercy and Lucio rushed back and forth, hardly even noticing him as he entered the room. There was a ringing in his ears that just wouldn’t stop –

Cold. So cold. Why was he so cold? Every step towards Jesse’s bed felt like it took the effort of a mile, and he didn’t even notice when Angela finally saw him and tried to yell at him to go. Jesse wasn’t moving. His eyes were open. He wasn't looking at Hanzo. Wasn't looking at anything. He stared at the ceiling blankly. He wasn’t moving. The ringing wouldn’t stop. His ears rung with the noise so loudly.

It wasn’t his ears.

The machine was flatlining.

Jesse was flatlining.

_Jesse…_

Hanzo couldn’t move, staring wide-eyed and stock still at the bed. He watched Angela and Lucio setting up a defibrillator. Watched them doing chest compressions. Watched as the machine continued to show only one flat line ringing out like the ringing in his ears. Only watched. Watched the man he loved stare blank and unseeing at the ceiling. How the skin that had been so warm against him lost its colour minute by passing minute. Those eyes that had shown him so much love and affection and kindness now dull. The lips that had kissed him so often and spoke so sweetly of promises of weddings and families left pale and still.

At some point Genji arrived. Tried to pull him away. He only recognised the cold hands because of how similar they were to Jesse’s. Tears itched as they tracked down his face and into his beard. Tears matching Angela and Lucio both as they finally, after perhaps an hour of solid work, of electric shocks and talks of time spend on chest compressions, stepped back.

 _“Time of Death, 3:27am.”_ One of them murmured. _“Cause of Death: Relapsed Myocardial Infarction...heart attack.”_

He watched.

Until finally, when Jesse’s still face was covered by the white sheet, and the spell broke and Hanzo could only gasp in another ragged breath as he tried to pull against the strong robotic grip Genji held over his arms. His throat ached as he finally realised he’d been screaming.

Jesse.

_Jesse._

“ ** _JESSE!”_**

 

Jesse McCree. Sharpsooter. Gunslinger. Friend. Father.

Husband.

Gone.

 

\---------

 

_There was nothing more we could have done. I’m so sorry Hanzo. Brother please. Dad? What’s happening? Where’s Papa? I’m sorry. Please come to us if you need us…_

**_SMASH_ **

The sake made a satisfying crashing noise as it shattered against the wall, leaving the wasted fluid dripping down the wall opposite him. It soon joined the rest of the glass at the bottom, and the other questionable stains on the wall. In the dark room, what did it matter, no one else could see it.

He’d lost track of the days. Without Jesse, what did it even matter anymore? Every time he slept, he remembered those lifeless eyes, or worse – the way Jesse had smiled when he’d told Hanzo about his dream wedding. The band around his finger felt like a lead block these days. He couldn't find it in him to remove it. Maybe if he tried hard enough it would drown him. He couldn’t sleep anymore. Not in that apartment. Not in the bed they’d shared. Loved in. Spent lazy morning just enjoying each other’s company in.

He reasoned it couldn’t have been that long. He’d not eaten much, and not gotten hungry, so it couldn’t have been that long. A couple of days, surely, since...since Jesse...He holed himself up in the spare room of the Watchpoint, ignoring everyone who stopped to knock on the door. Sam had come by at some point earlier in the day. Asked if he wanted to go to the range. Hanzo had thrown a large chair at the door and listened to the footsteps leave soon after. Genji had tried to get to him. Even Angela at some point. He didn’t want to see anyone. Why couldn’t they let him mourn in peace? Jesse was gone. Gone for good. Nothing but a box in the ground and a name on a tombstone anymore.

How could they expect him to get up and keep living his life when the very person he wanted to spent that life with had been so cruelly cut out from it?

That was the worst part. The suddenness of it. How it had only been a few short, fatal hours from when Hanzo had kissed him goodnight and left his side, listened to him call out 'don't miss me too much Darlin!' and laughed so sweetly... to being announced…

Fuck. _Fuck_. He couldn’t even say it to himself.

He looked around the room. It was a mess. Hah - Just like him. Sheets pulled off the bed and wrapped around his shoulders as if that could ward of the chill as well as his cowboy had once been able to. Furniture upturned, flat-out broken in some cases. Bottle after bottle of sake and the whiskey Jesse had loved scattered the room. He’d hoped maybe drinking what remained of the Cowboy’s favourite whiskey would be enough like the memory of kissing him to make it hurt a little less.

He’d been wrong.

It wouldn’t stop hurting. Every minute. Every day. He kept thinking it was all a dream. That he’d hear Jesse’s spurs coming down the corridor and that he’d pull open the door and laugh at him the way he always did when Hanzo was being a mess, that soft laugh that just seemed to say ‘I understand, I'm here for you’ as he would pull Hanzo up into his arms and-

_And now that was NEVER going to happen again and it fucking HURT._

The downward spiral started again. He wanted to claw his hair out, scratch at his skin, anything to make the emotional pain at least feel real for even a second. His hands tangled in his hair and pulled as he sobbed again. _I want him back so much…_

“…Dad?” A soft voice called from the doorway. His head shot up and he immediately tried to scramble away. Emma. He couldn’t let her see him like this. Not like-

Like the mess he was.

“No. Dad, sit down…we need to talk.” She told him firmly. She turned one of the chairs still retaining is structural integrity upright and slipped into it with a pained groan. Hanzo looked at her stomach. When had she gotten so big? She’d barely been three months along when he last saw her, curled up on the pull-out with her brother right before... When she was seated, Emma reach out towards him, handing him a small card.

“W-wha-?” His voice was croaky from an awful combination of alcohol, screaming and general disuse. Emma’s face was stony and passive. He recognised that expression. He had taught her that expression. She motioned for him to open it. A fuzzy black and white picture looked back at him, difficult to see in the light. An ultrasound scan.

“That’s your granddaughter. Your second one. Dad…it’s been three months. I-I know you miss him, so do I, so does Sam. So does Aunt Angie and Aunt Ana and Uncle Genji and everyone here. Even Angeline asks me where he is and I don't know how to answer her anymore. It hurts, we know, and you're hurting the most, I know. But right now, I need you. I-I’m scared, Dad. I don’t want to lose both my parents but that's what it feels like I'm doing right now. I can't go through this alone. I need you with me, Sam needs you. Everyone needs you. The world doesn't stop turning just because you do..." There was a hitch in her breath as she whispered out, "Papa wouldn’t have wanted this from you.”

Her words were accompanied by tears that she tried to wipe away but simply couldn’t clear them fast enough before more took their place. Hanzo hardly noticed, too hung up on something else she’d said.

_Three months?_

_Had it really been three months?_

Continuing to stare at the grainy image of the form in the picture, it was like someone had opened the curtains on the grey fog in his head. He wasn’t alone. He had a family that needed him. There was no time left to hide and mourn in the darkness. He had friends that were worried and now…he had a second granddaughter to meet. He looked up at Emma, and slowly rose to his feet, curling her arms around her tightly.

“I’m so sorry.” He murmured into her hair. In the low light, it was almost the same colour as Jesse’s had been.

“I know, but please come back to us. We still need you.” Emma sobbed into his shoulder. It felt like years they stood there. Holding each other.

“Has it really been three months?” Hanzo asked, still not quite believing it. Had he really locked himself in here for three months? It couldn’t have been.

“Three and a half.” Emma chuckled into his shoulder. Hanzo held her a little tighter at that.

 

\--------

 

**The path to recovery isn’t easy. It never is and never will be. But it gets a whole lot easier when you have people to keep walking it for.**

It was a slow road for Hanzo to walk. Learning to exist without Jesse in his life again. The first time he had to enter their old apartment, he’d broken down into tears. He’d almost thrown up when he had to sort through Jesse’s old things. His beaten and worn-out hat that he’d loved so much, the Serape that he had clutched to his face and just simply breathed in because it still smelled like his cigarillos and his favourite cologne that he only ever wore when he knew it would drive Hanzo wild. Ana and Fareeha had offered to go through them for him at first. He declined. He needed to do this. Ana had smiled knowingly, and promised to have tea ready for him when he was done.

He almost threw up again the first time they’d tried to take him to where Jesse was buried. He had thrown up when he finally saw the name engraved into the stone, right next to Gabriel Reyes. Genji and Zenyatta had lead him away slowly and quietly, helping him breathe through the panic attack and the pain in his chest as if he was the one going through a heart attack this time.

He decided to move back into the watchpoint for the moment. Well, Sam decided for him, when he came back to his Son standing in the living room, telling him in no uncertain terms he needed a good support network and maybe some therapy, not to be stuck in an apartment full of memories. He’d eventually agreed, and let Sam lead him back to the car to drive the both of them home.

The drive back, Sam spoke about how Ana said his aim was just like his father’s. Hanzo finally managed to joke when he said ‘well good to know you learned something for me’ and was surprised when it didn’t hurt as bad as he thought it would.

He ignored the proud look on Genji's face when he made it back to the cemetery a week later, not saying a word, just leaving a little pot of pretty blue flowers behind. A small splash of colour against white marble. 

 

**For as long as you let yourself hold on, you will be held back. However, to let go is not to forget but instead should be to honour the memories of that time.**

It was Jack who found the picture for him. Jesse had never been particularly camera shy but a bounty with a substantial number of zeroes on it tends to make a man cautious. Jesse had avoided having his face available in pictures wherever possible, but Hanzo reasoned that some must exist, even a mugshot from his days in Blackwatch must have been on file somewhere. He’d take anything really. He wished that he’d made Jesse take more pictures with him when he’d had the chance now. Regretted every time he’d blow off Jesse when the ridiculous cowboy had tried to make him take a ‘selfie’.

It was late in the evening when he received a message through on his comms. Upon seeing the sender, he at first through it was another mission, now that he was finally cleared for restricted active duty again (Angela was still of the opinion he needed some more therapy before she’d let him go on anything more then recon). The download link was admittedly a surprise, as was the caption. ‘ _Took a while. Hope it works for you.’_

Hanzo almost threw his comm when the download finally opened. It was Jesse. A smiling, laughing Jesse curled up in an overstuffed arm chair with a tumbler of whiskey in the hand resting on the arm of the chair, and the other hand waving at who ever was taking the picture. Although it was more likely that he’d been trying to wave whoever it was away, Hanzo let himself pretend that Jesse was waving at him, from the photo, that the smile was for him.

He'd been wearing his hat even in this picture, but the serape was slung over the back of the chair behind him, one leg crossed up and relaxed over the other, making him look at ease and friendly. It wasn't the exact smile Hanzo remembered Jesse having for him - it lacked the same warmth and love that he still missed so goddamned much...but it was close and it was friendly and it was Jesse.

He remembered that picture. It had been taken while Jesse was on a mission away, soon after Hanzo had only just joined Overwatch. Genji had sent it to him, as proof they had a real life cowboy in their ranks. He’s been told Jesse had forced Genji to delete it instantly, so he wondered how Jack got a hold of it. Yes, this had been the first image and first impression he’d ever gotten of the man he had grown to love so, so damned much it still hurt.

Hanzo replied almost immediately. ‘ _it’s perfect. Thank you.’_

 

**Even when it seems like you’ve lost everything. There is always, _always_ , someone who is terrified of losing you. Because to them, you are everything.**

There were still the bad days. There would always be the bad days. The days when Hanzo would wake up and wonder what the point even was. Wonder what even mattered anymore. The really bad days were the days when he didn’t even manage to make it out of bed. But slowly even they died out.

It was Genji who discovered the best cure. Whenever Hanzo was having a particularly bad day, Genji would send Angel in with the stuffed dragon plushie Jesse had knitted for her one evening when Emma had still been pregnant. Angel would beg to see his ‘real dragons’ and curl up in his bed next to him until he relented. It was hard to say no when you had a small child relying on you to show them the cultivated power of generations of bindings to the ancient beasts. Even if Hanzo spent most of his time sitting under a tree outside just watching them chase the little one around the field. It got him outside and he was at least grateful for that. If he sat there running his fingers over the worn-out pink dragon plushie, remembering how Jesse had spent so many nights trying to finish it in time for Angel to arrive, only to still wind up completing it late because of that last-minute mission...well, no one ever saw but Angel and his dragons. And none of them were telling.

Zenyatta, too, was a huge help, despite Hanzo’s initial reluctance. Having someone to talk to, someone so calming and unbiased telling him that Jesse would want him to keep living helped more than he had expected. Slowly, the nightmares eased up, and when he dreamed about a crown of blue hydrangeas, and of a song being sung under the stars while the moonlight shimmered over their wedding bands, at least he knew he could meet with Genji, Ana, Mei, Sam, or any other person still awake at three am to have some tea and work through it. No more hiding alone and afraid. He had a family that was depending on him.

 

**When all else fails, remember you have two choices. You can sink underneath the surface, or you can learn to ride the waves. Let go and miss out, or create reasons worth fighting for.**

Hanzo had a strange sense of Déjà vu as he clasped Emma’s hand in the medical bay once again, listening to her breathing through the pain and trying not to wince too much as she gripped his hand tighter and tighter with each contraction.

“You’re doing so well, just keep breathing” Angela reassured the both of them, her eyes smiling from over her surgical mask. Hanzo returned the smile, before looking at the space across from him. Where Jesse had stood last time, now stood Emma’s new boyfriend. He was older than her, enough that Hanzo had initially be suspicious and ready to fight. But he looked at Emma with nothing but love and a familiar kind of warmth and adoration. Like she was the only thing that mattered in this entire world. It was the same way he remember Jesse used to watch him. That was enough for him to give the man a chance. And at least he cared enough to be here, holding her hand and stepping up, ready to meet his child, unlike Angel's father. Hanzo stroked her sweat-soaked arm comfortingly while her boyfriend held on tightly to her other hand, murmuring his own reassurances to her the entire time.

Emma even turned to him and grinned, mischief and playfulness sparkling in her eyes. "I did this once...I can do it again. Let's do this." She mumbled at him, before turning back to her partner, the two of them resting forehead to forehead as the next wave of contractions swept over her.

The sight was so familiar Hanzo had to fight down the emotion welling up in his chest. When his heart pulled in the painful way he had learned to associate with missing Jesse, he instead focused down on Angela, and the sound of crying as Emma finally was given the clear to push.

Emma handed him the tiny bundle of cloth and Hanzo’s breath caught in his chest. She was small and pale, a tiny wrinkled thing that barely looked large enough to have been filling the huge bump that had been Emma’s stomach. He couldn’t take his eyes away from her, even when Emma reached out her own hands and touched his arm.

“I know what we should call her.” His and Jesse's daughter said quietly. At that, he looked up, and when their eyes met, he smiled. He already knew the answer. It was perfect.

 

\-----

 

“Granda’!” the tiny voice yelled from the doorway as it was pushed open. Hanzo slipped his reading glasses off of his nose, pushing back the strands of almost pure-white hair that had slipped from the braid he wore it in a lot these days. A faint breeze came in through the window, a pitiful relief in the heat of Santa-Fe summer. He groaned as he hiked himself out of the chair, just in time to be tackled by a tiny gremlin of a child who threw herself around his legs and almost sent him stumbling.

“Easy now, Jessie! Granddad’s not as young as he used to be” a second voice laughed from the doorway. Hanzo smiled at Emma in greeting, before swooping down and hiking little Jessie into the air, laughing as she shrieked for joy while Emma watched on, unworried.

“Now where on Earth have you been hiding, little Fox?” he teased, sitting the six year old on his hip and enjoying the warmth that swelled in his chest as she threw her arms around him in a hug, burying her face in his shoulder even as the long brown braids tickled him uncomfortably. When Hanzo looked to Emma, he noticed something in her expression that dampened the warmth. Frowning, he placed Jessie back down onto the floor. “Why don’t you go play upstairs for a minute, little one? I’m sure Ryu will be delighted to see you” he said, the little child gasping in excitement before going to hunt down the poor old Spitz that Hana had insisted he adopt when he first moved out here. And hey, Genji paid the adoption fee, it would be useless arguing.

“He would have loved her.” Hanzo said after a moment of listening to excited footsteps bouncing up the stairs. Sighing as he settled into the chair again, the old dragon motioned for Emma to do the same. “Now, what’s made you drive all the way out here to see me? Hm?” he questioned. Emma shifted in her seat a little, looking at anything but him (what had her so nervous? Was so so worried about his reaction?) before slowly raising her hand. Hanzo’s eyes widened as the sunlight caught her ring finger. He was across the room in a heartbeat, wrapping her up in a hug.

“Congratulations, my child” he told her, “but this had better be the only wedding” he added, a playful warning that Emma took for what it was.

“Yeah, it will be - I have a good feeling about him, and he's proven himself already. Oh, Angel knows, by the way. She likes him, she already calls him 'dad' which is just adorable - I would have brought her with me except Aunt Lena and Aunt Emily decided she needed a 'girl's day out'. But she wants me to remind you that you promised her archery lessons the next weekend she stays over." Hanzo laughed gruffly at the thought. As if he could forget. He let Emma continued to speak, recognising the diversion tactics for what they were and letting her ride them out. "I - I haven’t told Sam yet, Winston’s had him away on mission after mission now that Aunt Ana’s retired. Apparently his aim’s a ‘chip off the old block’, and it's so good to see him using Papa's old name because-” Emma told him, and Hanzo felt his heart swell with pride. Even as he rested his hands on her shoulders.

“I’m pleased to hear that – I’ll have to make sure he comes to visit soon, if he can ever get the time free.” He laughed, ruffling Emma’s hair and making her glare. “There’s still something you’re not telling me however.” Hanzo added. There was silence, but before Emma could open her mouth, there was the sound of giggling behind them

“Draw!” the tiny voice yelled, followed by a comical “bang!" and then high-pitched giggling. "Got you! Got you! Gandda’! Look what I found!” Hanzo was already turning to face the little child, even as he heard Emma hiss in a gasp of air behind him.

Jessie had found an old cowboy hat, weathered at the edges, the bullets on the strap tarnished a little, with a layer of dust on top, and had it perched over her head, the thing so large it was almost falling in front of her face and messing up her braids as she moved it back to keep smiling at them. Wrapped around her shoulders was a red serape, so long it tangled around her feet and almost sent her stumbling as she ran forward to throw herself into Hanzo’s arms again.

For once in what felt like years, the pain and longing was hardly noticeable. Not when Jessie was grinning so brightly underneath that old, well-loved hat. “I found it! In a box! Can I have it? I wanna be a cowboy like _Abuelo_ was!” she asked him. Hanzo glanced up, over Jessie’s shoulder, at the photo hanging in pride of place on his wall. Right above a pot of beautiful flowering blue hydrangeas.

“I don’t know, little Fox. That hat belonged to your grandfather – we had better ask him” he teased, smiling over at Emma even as she tried to hide the expression on her face behind her hand. The little one in his arms tilted the hat back, wild strands of brown hair coming loose from the braids it had been in as the hat messed up her hair in such a familiar way, and stared up at the picture of Jesse McCree. He stared back, still smiling away with that tumbler of whiskey, and big brown eyes were open wide as she spoke to the picture with utter seriousness.

“ _Abuelo,_ I’d like to have your hat please, so I can be a cowboy like Mama says you were. I wanna be just like you.” The little one said, voice barely above a whisper as she looked back to Hanzo for approval. He stayed silent for a moment, just watching the picture with a soft smile. He could practically hear Jesse's laughter in the back of his mind, and it brought him peace and made him smile as he looked to little Jessie and nodded.

“He would be proud to know his hat has gone to a worthy cowboy. But you must promise that as long as you wear that hat, you treat people with the same kindness he did, and stand up for what you believe is right, even if everyone else is telling you it is wrong. Can you do this, Jessie Jamie Shimada-McCree?” The look of wonder on the small child’s face as she nodded so hard the hat almost went flying was worth everything he had suffered. "Then you may keep this hat, and know that your grandfather is always watching over you."

Jessie hugged him tightly, and he could feel more than hear the almost reverent 'thank you' she whispered by his shoulder. He ran his hands over the red serape she had wrapped around herself, the memory of the material and how it felt when he was curled up underneath it with Jesse fading from bitter pain into sweetness at how much Jessie suited it. When at last the little one was off playing Cowboys again, Hanzo turned back to Emma. The woman smiled from the sofa, eyes red from holding back tears.

“I still miss him, Dad.”

“I know. So do I. I do not think it will ever go away. I don't think I want it to.”

“I wish he could have met her.”

“He has. In spirit.”

“I’m glad she was born before we decided to get married. I want her to have that last name as long as possible.”

Hanzo laughed at that, nodding in agreement. “Enough dodging the questions now, Emma. I know those techniques, I taught them to do. What else did you want to ask me?”

Emma looked away again, nerves getting the better of her in a rare display of weakness. The sight made Hanzo worry, old concerns flaring up. What was wrong? Was she sick?  Was she moving away? Was something-?

“I know You and Papa never got the chance to get married so I wanted to ask... What did the two of you want to do for your wedding? What did you always dream of?” Oh. That was not the question Hanzo Shimada-McCree had been expecting. He was thrown back to little over seven years ago now, when he and Jesse had laid together on that medical bed, curled around each other one last time, discussing a future that wasn’t meant to be. He still remembered every word. With a soft, loving smile, Hanzo began:

“There’s a small church, about a half hour’s drive from here…”

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you have someone you love, hug them and tell them. Don't waste time on the petty things or time might run out before you know it. 
> 
> Thank you, for reading.


End file.
